Although I love BattleKid to bits and think a sibling for him would be lovely, I’d like to share with you why I am reluctant to have a second child.
It took BattleDad and I a long time to come round to the idea of having kids and when we did we said we would love two. It didn’t matter what gender but with each of us being one of four, we thought two children would be an ideal number for us. We were lucky to fall pregnant quite quickly and we had a lovely, problem-free pregnancy too. I enjoyed bring pregnant and it really was an easy one.
However, the same can’t be said of BattleKid’s birth. I have touched on the subject before on the blog. I went into labour naturally on New Year’s Day 2014 at 6.30am, 3 days before my due date and coped quite well at home using my hypnobirthing techniques for a few hours before going to the hospital. We were 3cm dilated so chose to stay and I managed without anything for a while longer before requesting gas and air.
By about 5pm the birthing pool room became available so we moved there and getting into the warm water was lovely and gave instant relief although I kept the gas and air! I continued on gas and air until I felt it was time to push and this is where things got harder. I’d been fine until then but for some reason things didn’t progress as they should have. After what I believe was two hours BattleDad stepped in and requested I be seen by a doctor as, unknown to me at the time, the midwife had lost BattleKid’s heartbeat on the monitor twice and BattleDad was getting worried about both of us.
It transpired that BattleKid had got his head stuck between his shoulder-blade and my pelvic bone and no amount of effort from me was going to get him out. We were rushed to theatre where the doctor asked if she could try to get him out with forceps before going down the route of a c-section. We wanted our little boy out safely so quickly agreed and thankfully he came out, aided by an episiotomy.
My recovery from the episiotomy was not smooth sailing as I’ve explained before and as a result it’s left a mental scar on me with regards to having any more children. It took me four months to feel somewhat near normality and this hindered my early days with BattleKid. I couldn’t do alot or go anywhere for long as I just wasn’t physically able. It has left me feeling like I’ve let BattleKid down by not doing more together in those early days. I see people enjoying their month old babies on social media and wish that could have been me.
My birth experience has left a big scar on me mentally which has really put me off having a second child. The traumatic birth experience coupled with a really long and slow recovery process is not one I wish to relive. I know not every birth is the same but I fear it would be repeated.
Then there are other things to consider like how BattleKid would react to a sibling and how I would cope with two on my own during the week when BattleDad is in work. I know there are a lot of mums and dads who fly solo with more than one child but I am 38 already and am in a constant state of tiredness with a lively two-year old, that I am not sure I would be able to do it all again. Then there is the cost aspect. We have indulged with BattleKid as you naturally do with your first, but I wouldn’t want a second child missing out on things BattleKid had because we may need to be more careful with finances.
I love BattleKid with all my heart and am so grateful we have a happy, healthy, lively, noisy little boy and part of me doesn’t want to share my love with another child. That may sound selfish or unnecessary, and I know parents of multiple children love them equally but you can’t tell me they don’t have a favourite who might get 1% more love than their brother or sister.
Friends of ours recently announced they were expecting another baby, and while yes I admit there was a little pang of want for another, it soon evaporated when I thought about giving birth and recovering afterwards.
BattleDad did say he had the same pang and I’m sure he would jump at the chance of us having another child but I am the one who would have to give birth and then look after two on my own from Monday to Thursday and it is hard enough now with just one. I really am not sure how I would cope with two.
It is lovely to see BattleKid playing in nursery with other children or when friends bring their children to ours and they play together. This does make BattleDad and I think a sibling would be nice but for now I am reluctant to have a second child.
And I am not getting any younger!